I have a thing against big weddings. Maybe my perception is not in-line with most brides and grooms out there, but I have had quite a few "behind the scenes" looks at how people really feel about big weddings, and going to weddings in general. I have had the fortune of having worked as a banquet server for many years in my younger life. I don't say "fortune" because it is a great job. I say so because it has really opened my eyes to what a stressful event weddings are, and that most of the stress is directly proportional to the number of guests attending.

As I spent my years quietly serving the "Chicken or Beef" choices at these enormous weddings, I could overhear what people were really saying about the event. It is interesting to me that people will talk very candidly around banquet staff and employees. I often overheard people complaining that it cost too much money to get to the wedding, or that there wasn't a vegetarian option for the dinner, or that they hate the music being played by the DJ, or that they are depressed because they aren't the one getting married, and their "kinda/sorta" friend from grade school is getting married and is getting all of the attention. It was a rare occasion that I heard someone say "I am having a great time, and I am so glad I am at this wedding."

Weddings are stressful for guests. Period. For someone to take a few days, or a week in many occasions to travel hundreds or thousands of miles to witness a friend get married is a tall order. I cringe every time I get a wedding invitation - I'll be honest. Our family has very few vacation days every year, and we would like to (selfishly) use them spending time with our immediate family. I don't intend to be a party-pooper, but it is the honest truth. If my wife and I didn't have to work, and if our son wasn't in school, maybe we could pull off taking time off every time there was a wedding without too much grumbling.

This is not to say that I don't care about my friends, current and past. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am simply saying what most people secretly think when they are on the plane to who-knows-where to see Karen "what's her name" get married to that guy she met at Karaoke night.

So why don't more people take control of their weddings? I think that it is the feeling of guilt attached to not inviting everyone you can think of - fearing that feelings might get hurt, or that when your friend gets married down the road, and invites you, you'll feel like a schmuck because you didn't invite her to yours. I do believe that guilt plays a big part of it.

Joelle and I went through all of these feelings, and asked ourselves constantly if we were being jerks for not inviting any of our friends to our wedding. We knew that once we sent out invitations to our family members, that it would be a matter of short time until our friends would be asking "Hey, where is my invitation?" They would ask not because they really want to be there, and take the time and money to do so, but because they want' to make sure they are still in your "circle of friends." Of course they are!

We finally decided that our response would be that we are having a family-only wedding to "save money." We felt that this answer would be the most accepted, as most people can relate to wanting to save money. This was partially truthful for us. We did want to have an economical wedding, but that wasn't the all of it. We also simply didn't want to deal with the stress of having to entertain dozens of friends, many of which we might not have seen for years. We all know that if people make the trip to go to a wedding, and if you haven't seen them for a long time, they are going to want some "face time" with the bride and groom.

Once our friends found out that we were having a private, family-only wedding to "save money" - an amazing thing happened! Everyone was cool with it, and all of those friends that we "snubbed" are still our great friends years later. We received many cards and well-wishes from our friends, and many of them asked for pictures. I knew that secretly many of these folks were glad that they didn't have to come to our wedding. Joelle and I respect that people have busy lives, and that they'll be just as happy seeing pictures as they would by actually being there. Another thing happened - everyone that did come to our wedding (all 30 of them, and family members only) truly had a great time. We had much more flexibility to do what we wanted, and to have face time with everyone without stressing about it. I know they had a great time - the folks that catered the event commented that it was one of the nicest, fun weddings they had seen in years!